My liver just broke up with me...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
