I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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