Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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