im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
