I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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