keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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