There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
