The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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