I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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