And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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