I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
