help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
