Too much gin, very little bucket
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
