I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I can't turn off my feet"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
