At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I need a burrito and a hug.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
