She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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