it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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