I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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