shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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