so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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