He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
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She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
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I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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