You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We left the knife in your bed.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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