I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
All the doctor said was why
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
