I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
