gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
