I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
