I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
