she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize