a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
worst night to have a conscience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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