Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
