I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
