Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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