So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
