when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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