Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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