lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
