i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
