I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
