brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
