do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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