Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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