I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
