You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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