You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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