i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
