There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
so much tequila, so little girl.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
