i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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