you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
