WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
