last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Where is the hickey?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
