there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
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For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
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Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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