The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
