you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
