Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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