well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
