fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
