I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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