She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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