I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
