I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
