You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
