I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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