Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
