seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
