So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
