after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
